We start with what was supposed to be my 1st post about the 2009 NCAA football season. We will bring a twice weekly Church of Keith Jackson feature to get down on college football and we'll continue with whatever piques my interest for the rest of the time. Enjoy...
THE CHRUCH OF KEITH JACKSON
WHAT I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION
Welcome home my flock.
The last time I left you we were heading in to our funny season. Winter sports have enjoyed their playoffs while baseball took off on a wild ride. Now just seven short months later we find ourselves at the precipice of NCAA football season, a time I like to refer to as Holy Time.
Summer two a days and inter-squad scrimmages are coming to an end the same way high school romances end at the end of senior year when grads move on to strange ass waiting for them at their freshmen year at college. But, like those doomed sweethearts, the end of the preparation is the beginning of the REAL THING. In our case the REAL THING does not mean the inevitable late night, drunken, mistake named Cindy from down the hall.
No our REAL THING is the college football season in the United States of America.
A timeless tradition dating back to leather helmets, real pig skin and smoking cigarettes on the field. Harvard-Yale, Ohio State-Michigan, Notre Dame-Navy, Miami-staying out of prison. Battles that have raged for what seams like eons. These traditions are the foundations of The Church of Keith Jackson. With every weekend that passes in August we pull closer to the sound of pads crashing together, whistles blowing play dead and Pam Ward’s manly voice mispronouncing the names of BIG 10 offensive linemen.
The lead in to the 1st weekend of action is almost as fun as the opening kickoff. It is in these waning days of summer that every school has a chance (that is unless you are Michigan) to win the coveted National Championship. Thursday September 4th is still a ways away but before the rankings descend upon the public for scrutiny we can look back at some of the stories that will shape the framework of the 2009 NCAA football season.
LANE KIFFIN IS CRAZY
Kiffin decided that before he even coached a game for Tennessee he would become the greatest villain the world has ever known. Kiffin has decided to recruit direct from both Arkham Asylum and the Memphis registered sex offender list. Kiffin figured that the top notch football of the SEC wasn't enough for people to stay interested, there had to be dramatics. There had to be a clear line between good (Tim Tebow) and evil (the vomit orange of Tennessee). I don't expect the Volunteers to do much this year other than make headlines for wrong reasons. This program won't be back on it's feet for another few years but they are capable of pulling an upset on a big name SEC power.
GOD SMILES ON CHARLIE WEISS
Some say god doesn’t watch sports, doesn’t care about the outcome. One look at Notre Dame’s schedule this year proves otherwise. Apart from the requisite games against USC, Michigan and Boston College, the Irish’ schedule is fairly light. On top of the light schedule, most of those requisite games I just mentioned will be played in South Bend. The Irish will have a good year.
SPURRIER HATES JESUS (TEBOW)
Overheard: “Fuck you God Squad”
An odd story emerged just a few weeks ago from the SEC. As selections were being made for the pre-season all SEC team everything was going along swimmingly. Delores Washmore was at her desk in a small office building located in the depths of the SEC offices (location unknown) counting the ballots. A pretty easy job considering she only had to record 12 votes for every position. This year Delores, and the rest of the SEC, was sure of one thing, that Tim Tebow would become the unanimous choice for all SEC quarterback. Only a funny thing happened. Delores only counted 11 votes for Tebow. The last ballot was a handwritten note that read, “I vote for the best goddamned quarterback in Gator history, ME!” The note was signed “BallCoach” and the return address just read “South Carolina”.
BOBBY BOWDEN AND JOE PATERNO ARE OLD (PART 62)
Imagine the smell!
Seriously. These guys are really old. I mean 161 years old combined, that’s more than half of America’s age. Like both of these guys were born in the roaring twenties. And they still rule over football rosters that are 80 players deep, sometimes more. People thought that what Tom Watson (almost) did at Turnberry was impressive. Watson is wet behind the ears compared with Paterno and Bowden.
URBAN MEYER GOT JOBBED
"See you start with the rub of the stomach THEN move on to the pat of the head."
Sure the Gator coach became the third highest paid coach in NCAA football. That’s all well and good, becoming the 3rd member of the $4 million dollar club ($24 mill over 6 years for Meyer) is no small feat. But I question why Meyer, who has won the last two national championships and pretty much revolutionized the college game, isn’t getting paid $5 million. Meyer’s influence on the modern college football offence cannot be understated.
EVERYBODY GOT IN TROUBLE THIS YEAR (PART I)
Don't taze me bro!
Every Florida Gator not named Tim Tebow was arrested and tazered this summer.
EVERYBODY GOT IN TROUBLE THIS YEAR (PART II)
I’m gonna need some help after class
The Florida State Seminoles are cheaters. I understand that. I have come to terms with that. But I feel that taking wins away from an old man is akin to taking away an old man’s pills. Just criminal.
So we wait now. Wait on the rankings to bestowed upon us, we who know that Saturday is truly the day of Sabbath.
